If Getting to Yes is the book that teaches you how to negotiate with someone who’s looking for the best outcome in collaboration, the Never Split the Difference is the book you need to read to get better at negotiating in adversarial conditions.
The author has been involved in high stakes hostage negotiations, and uses this experience to distil a series of tactics and techniques you can use in daily life to get better negotiation outcomes.
Through each chapter we start with a scenario from the hostage negotiation world, and then translate that into usable advice, with examples of putting it into practice.
The book encourages you to build rapport quickly by mirroring, using empathy to label the pain of the other side and starting off looking for ‘no’ to gain real commitment to any later ‘yes’. It recommends you to seek “That’s right” to show agreement, and how to discuss what is or isn’t ‘fair’. Finally, it pushes on securing commitment, and also uncovering the ‘unknown unknowns’ that can transform a negotiation when discovered.
It ends with a guide on how to prepare for a negotiation, with steps and sample questions you can tune to your own needs.
This was an interesting read, with some new and updated techniques that are great to add to your toolbox. It very much benefits from familiarity with ‘Getting to Yes’ and other books that are referenced in the text, but it can still be read standalone.
I’d certainly recommend it.
It can be very hard to measure the impact of Coaching. We’re aiming to deliver positive change to a person, enabling them to learn and grow. It might not be easy to put a number on that impact.
Nevertheless, Coaching can be a significant investment in time and money, so how do you know you are getting the right outcome?
If you are paying directly, then it’s a pretty easy decision. Do you feel like you are getting great outcomes? Are you moving into learning space in each session? Does your Coach listen to your needs and focus their efforts in help you reach those goals?
Answer yes to these questions, then it’s great value!
If you are engaging a Coach for your organisation, then you’ll often want to measure the impact in a more structured way. You need to think about the outcomes you need to see from that organisational perspective. Do you want to improvement Employee Engagement metrics? Are you looking to grow your junior leaders or attempting to refine a senior leadership group?
Once you know what you want to measure, build it into the agreement with the Coach. They’ll be able to work with the Coachees to structure their goals around these areas, using initial sessions to set the expectations with the Coachee so they are aware of the focus of the engagement.
Good coaching can have significant material benefits to an organisation, but directly measuring ROI is hard. Prefer instead to look at the positive impact on Engagement, Team Happiness or overall feedback from the organisation, and if you are hitting those goals, you can be sure again that you are getting great value from your Coach.
Manager as Coach is an introduction to the OSCAR coaching model. This is an evolution of the simple GROW model that’s especially useful to coaching in a management context.
The model is broken out to consider the Outcome, Situation, Choices, Actions and Review. The focus on Actions and Review is the main difference for the model when compared to GROW, and this is what slants it towards a more management focused approach. GROW looks at the Coachee’s Will to commit to change, but the Coachee will not necessarily sign up to a firm agreement to make that change.
In OSCAR, Actions and Review build an agreement to both what will be done and how it’s going to be reviewed. This is familiar in style to SMART objective setting, hence the power of this model in a management coaching relationship.
As well as an introduction to the model, the book covers applying it to Coachees in various mindsets. It also walks through different types of relationship that can benefit from coaching, how you can show the value of coaching to an organisation and how you can build a coaching culture.
There are lots of examples spread throughout the book, with case studies and testimonies throughout every chapter. This really helps to bring to life some of the considerations raised in the main text.
The book may be a little bit long in some places, attempting to apply OSCAR to too many situations beyond the core coaching conversation. There’s certainly sections that are less valuable once you’ve picked up the core model, so don’t be afraid to pick and choose your reading after the first few chapters.
Other than that, it’s a worthwhile read for managers new to coaching approaches and is deserving a place on your coaching bookshelf.
At its heart, the process of Coaching is about enabling change and empowering your growth.
Change can be difficult, and you might not be ready to really commit to it. Coaching is forward looking, and it needs you to be well set to drive that change. You’ll also tend to benefit from having some thoughts about how to shape that change before you start looking for Coaching.
Not everyone will benefit from Coaching, it depends very much on where they are in their lives. With the investment in time and effort required, reflecting on your current status will be extremely valuable before you seek out a Coach.
If you are:
- Committed to change and positive growth
- Coming from a place of stability and are ready to challenge yourself
- Equipped with ideas for your goals
Then you may be excellently placed to seek out a Coach and benefit significantly from the relationship.
If you are thinking about Coaching, then I’m always available to help you work through your options, just get in touch!
Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow is the starting point for anyone who wants to stop and really learn about how we think and make decisions. It’s an incredibly information rich book, it’s certainly not an easy read but it is most definitely a worth while one.
It collects decades of research into how we make decisions, how we consider risk and gain and how we use shortcuts that are sometimes great but can often be terrible.
It starts by discussing System 1 and System 2, two models of thought. System 1 is the hasty and instinctual prone to taking shortcuts and making lazy decisions. System 2 is the more rational, willing to spend effort to make important decisions. Kahneman discusses the differences between these two modes, and shows us when System 1 can make good decisions, and where it can fall down.
We then move on to thinking about Humans and Econs. Traditional economic theory suggests that people always make rational decisions. Kahneman shows us times we may not behave rationally, when we are Humans and not the Econs of rational theory.
Finally, he discusses the differences between the remembering self and experiencing self. In this approach, we see that people are often willing to experience greater overall discomfort if the end of it is more pleasant. We remember the end of the experience more clearly, or we recall the peaks more than the average. It’s a surprising insight.
The book is brilliantly researched, each insight is backed up with rock solid studies that are brilliantly footnoted. Every chapter covers one of these major insights, compressed down into less than a dozen pages. There are regular ‘Speaking of’ sections that give great short practical views into each of the complex topics.
Take the time to drink this book in. Don’t rush through it, but do rush to buy it!
I had a really great continuing professional development session last week with the British School of Coaching, spending a morning discussing CBT, getting a basic understanding of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, what it means and how you can consider it during a coaching session.
We talked about feelings, emotions, thoughts and actions, considering how they all might be linked together and talked about productively. There was a brilliant range of attendees, from those just starting on their coaching journey to some who had long term experience in CBT.
The sessions went into enough depth to give an interested practitioner enough information to understand how to go and learn more, whether that was the full CBT or some of the tools and approaches that can help you connect better to emotion in a coaching session.
Continuing professional development is a key part of your growth of a coach, and these types of focused taster sessions are a brilliant springboard to understanding future learning options.
Building a culture of innovation is tough. It’s pretty easy to learn the ‘fail fast’ or ‘build-measure-learn’ mantras, but to really pull it together requires a deep understanding of these paradigms. You have to recognise a good failure as opposed to a bad. You need to be strong in defining experiments and how you react if you don’t get hoped for results. You really must have strong leadership at all levels.
The benefits of innovation are immense. You solve the right problems, you do it effectively and efficiently and you empower people to bring about massive positive change.
HBR’s recent article, The Hard Truth About Innovative Cultures, really drills down into the detail of this. It shows you what good and bad is, and how to recognise them. It’s an excellent read, well worth your time and the time of anyone attempting to embed this culture in their organisation.